My SubSpace

I’ve chosen to write this post about being Little, and what that means for me.  For others, you could substitute “sub” and it would still work.  In my experience, this is how Littleness feels.

Being Little is about a hell of a lot more than just having some hot sex.  In fact, for some people, sex isn’t a part of it.  I’m not noble enough for all that, I guess; Little time is definitely sexy time for me.  Nevertheless, that’s not all it is.  The sexual aspect is honestly the least important for me.

To me, being Little is about feeling loved and safe.  It is about feeling protected, and wanted, and adored.  It is about having your Big make everything okay, even when it isn’t—and especially when it is.  It is about exposing a very insecure part of yourself, the part that every person has and tries to hide from the world, and having even that part be accepted and nurtured and loved.  It is about being very, very vulnerable.  Littleness is an act of giving.  It is the gift of all of your trust.

If you’re a Big to a Little, be that a Daddy or Mommy or Sir or whatever, recognize the gift you’re receiving.  Value it.  Adore it and treasure it and take good care of it.  Whatever you do, never violate that trust.  Never exploit it.  This is true of all human relationships, granted, but when a Little bears their soul to you, do not damage it.

Tom and I also talked about maybe, potentially, eventually trying some form of threesome/group sex.  That was my idea.  Preferably involving another woman.  I’m not going to lie, I’ve been a little fixated on the idea.  I’m not really sure if Tom would be ready for that, though.  Besides, where on earth are we going to find someone down for that?

Tom and I tried some assplay.  It was his idea.  Not gonna lie, it was much better than anticipated.

But let me back up a little bit.  First, on Thursday we had a resistance scene.  Of course, it wasn’t really planned as a resistance scene, and I apparently derailed his plan by fighting back.  Oops.  =P  I’m fuzzy on the details.  I know that he strapped me down to the bed, but then I uncuffed myself (because I’m an atrocious sub, but oh well).  I don’t really remember too much, but I do remember him choking me pretty hard as I came.

Anyway, later that night, Tom told me that he had had two urges during that scene.  He had really wanted me to sit on his face, and he had really wanted to finger my ass.  Now, the first we’d done before, though not in a really long while.  The second, not so much.  I told him I was game for both.  On Friday, we fucked twice.  I wouldn’t really call them scenes, exactly.  The first time, Tom asked me to sit on his face, which felt really good, but I wasn’t really able to come because I didn’t feel very… bottomy.  He pushed me off of him and spit on my face, and that pretty much did it.  I’ve been on a degradation kick lately, what can I say?  I ended up having a really intense orgasm, and then I kind of fell asleep.  Oops.  (It was actually pretty funny.  I had just eaten a lot and felt really full, then I had an intense orgasm, and then I crashed.  Lulz.  Tom made fun of me for it.)

When I woke up, I was super horny again because I’m apparently just a sex monster and am never totally satisfied or something.  I guess since we had indulged one of his “urges” already, it was time to try the second.  First, let me just say that good lube is a great thing.  I’ve had some experience with anal sex before with a previous partner, but I never really enjoyed it, even when it wasn’t painful (and anal sex should neverbe painful).  This was nothing like that.  Of course, this was just a finger so it couldn’t be quite so… filling?, but it was just much better than all of my previous experience, and I’m gonna give a lot of the credit to our lube which is amazing stuff.  What happened, basically, is Tom started fingering my ass and I pretty much went into a frenzy and came in less than a minute I’d guess.  So to say that I enjoyed it is a bit of an under statement.

This is exciting because all things anal used to be triggering to me, and then even when they weren’t, they were painful or just uncomfortable.  This was fabulous.  The joys of good lube and better partners.

Speaking of better partners, Tom is moving in to my apartment, probably some time this summer.  =D  I’m very excited about this because this basically means I’ll have an unlimited source of snuggles.  And sex.  >.>

Yeah, it’s been a while.  Womp womp.  Thanks for hanging in there!

I don’t have much to say, really.  I went to an… interesting munch last Friday.  Made some new friends, got spanked by agorgeouslesbian, and inadvertently got really drunk.  Whoops.  And a good time was had by all!

Yeah, I can’t really write about any scenes right now, sorry.  Tom is coming over tomorrow, so maybe after that…?  Also, I’m graduating next month and then I’ll have much more blog (and sex) time.  I promise!

I’m going to bed.  Tom went to bed almost an hour ago, and he made a very ambivalent statement about dealing with my excessive horniness tomorrow when he comes over.  BUH.  I’m going to assume this is one of those times where he’s speaking noncommittally because he doesn’t express enthusiasm about things (I may have categorized this as “playing hard to get” a few times before [best example:  when I asked him whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he said that he wouldn’t be opposed to the idea—not “yes” but “not no”]), rather than one of those times where he’s just trying to put off saying no.  Because my vagina is going to fall out if I don’t get fucked very soon.  Srsly.